Hey Hey!!
Life has been happening and I haven’t been blogging about it. For that, I apologize but I am here, right now. At least for the moment. This subject has been rolling around in my mouth and my head for a couple of weeks. I finally had to make myself sit down and put this in black and white. The subject is self-doubt. It has been a major thorn in my side, as of late. It has been professionally mostly but it has started to bleed into my personal life. I try my best to be as transparent when I struggle with certain issues. It is always my hope that someone can find help in what I am saying or even share similar experiences. I have narrowed down 3 personal root causes for my self-doubt.
- What I say to myself. What I say to myself is so much worse than any words that an enemy could stream together. I have to literally talk to myself on a daily basis, reminding myself how awesome I am, how much hard work I do. I say this, not to sound prideful but I realize that I can be really judgmental of myself. I use to critique myself constantly. “Did I laugh too loud?” Was that joke inappropriate?” “Can people tell that I don’t know what the heck I’m doing?” I also have the hardest time validating my accomplishments. If you were to look at my life, in the natural, I am not supposed to have gained the success that I have. When I am reminded of the great successes I have attained, I sometimes feel like it is a fluke and maybe luck made it happen, instead of my faith, hard work, and determination.
- Seeking approval of other’s opinions. This has shown up more in my professional life. I think I’ve shared in a past blog post, that I was promoted to a position about a year ago. It is a position in which I work closely with my supervisor and I have people in positions under me. I am also understanding of all the pressure that my supervisor has on her. I do my best to be proactive and to lighten her load, when and where I see fit. I take my position seriously and have taken the lead on things, either to see my involvement down played or not given the due responsibility I feel I’ve earned. I’ve tried hard not to become bitter or pander to it but I am also a recovering people pleaser. I want people to notice how hard I’ve work or the extra hours I’ve put in to make something a success but when all I hear is crickets, I’ve taken it personally.
- Allowing myself to engage in behavior that is unbecoming of myself. People get on my nerves. Not everybody, but a few people really grinds my gears (Peter Griffin Voice). They do things that I perceive are malicious and if given the opportunity could add blemishes to my work reputation. I have friends outside of my work that I vent to but sometimes I make the grave mistake of talking to untrustworthy coworkers. I know, I know. I am just breaking codes, left and right. I have found out that these people are not to be trusted. They are the truest forms of instigators. They get a bone and they will run it down to hell. I know who they are and I know that what their potential of destruction is. I have to stay true to myself and not engage in this behavior. It leaves a nasty feeling on my spirit that never bodes well.
It felt good being able to record these thoughts that has been whirling. I am doing my best daily to not beat up on myself and I realize that every day is a new day to begin again.
How do you deal with self doubt? Negative situations at work?
Until Next Time,
DaniGee
It is the age old saying that the more money you have, the more problems that comes along with it. I believe that money is never the issue but it is a person’s perception of money. If you view money as something that allows you to jump ahead and make all your problems go away, I feel like you will always be searching for the next lump sum. If you view money as a way to help others, to be a bigger blessing to your family and to those in need, I think then money is a benefit.
