Sorry, NOT Sorry

The older I get, the more things I notice about myself and others. I notice that I say,’ ‘I’m Sorry’ A LOT; Almost as a greeting.  Examples: excuse the background, or excuse the stuff on my front seat or apologize for an autocorrect error (Darn Autocorrect).  I’ve noticed that when people get in my car, unless you the bestie, I usually preface the entering of my car by saying, “Excuse the mess.”

There has been  times recently when I apologize for things I shouldn’t be apologizing for. For the last couple of years, I’m usually the youngest employee at whatever company I’m currently working for. I do my best to be a helpful and dependable team member. This usually gets noticed by the higher ups. Recently, that has led to a promotion. With the promotion came more responsibilities and having a leadership role over others. I have mentioned in a previous blog post that sometimes being young can lead others to test boundaries with me, which in turn has led me to test boundaries of my own 😉 During this time, I found when myself apologizing for how people were perceiving the words that came out of my mouth. I had to take a step back and realize that I shouldn’t be apologizing for a statement or action if I know that the intent was not meant to be malicious. How tiring is it to make sure that every word you say doesn’t offend a person or rub them the wrong way??

I would have to take a perpetual vow of silence.

When I really started to analyze my frequency of apologizing, I began to wonder if this was more a women issue that men. I honestly don’t see men apologizing on a regular basis. Is it engrained in women, in general, to not want to upset anyone, to not make anyone mad???

I’ve seen some of my social media friends apologize or feel the need to explain any background or picture that is not perfect. Damn That. I am not perfect. My car is not detailed on a regular basis. My hair doesn’t always stand up Kid’N Play-ish like I would prefer all the time.

I am imperfect. Like it or stroll on. I am in love with who I’m becoming which mean I have to be okay with what’s real. Trying to be perfect is an illusion and damn tiring.

How often do you apologize in a day??

Growing, Stretching, Day by Day.

 

Until Next Time,

 

DaniGee

Second Look, No.1

If you know me or keep up with my blog, you know that I am in love with Fashion and being frugal with my fashion choices. I look for inspiration from various sources, magazines, TV shows, other fashion/lifestyle blog, and websites. My favorite website for fashion inspiration is Pinterest. Pinterest is awesome. Am I the only one that goes to Pinterest before Google now, especially for any kind of imagery?

I decided I would start a series of recreating beautiful pieces that I come across, using pieces I already have or pieces I can find for bargain prices.

Here’s my first recreation:

This is the link to the original post. http://thecurvyfashionista.com/2017/03/plus-size-skirt-spring/

Outfit Details:

Shirt: Walmart, under $6

Skirt: Thrifted

Sandals: Target, gifted

I love when a looks comes together. I have so much confidence in my fashion pieces. Clothes are definite extension of my personality.

I would love to know your thought on my recreations. Cute or nah?

 Until Next Time,

 

DaniGee

Flip Flap

 

I love fashion. I love spring fashion. If you haven’t check out my post about what I am looking for this Spring, here’s the link https://thelifeandtimesofdanig.wordpress.com/2017/03/08/is-that-you-spring/

When it comes to my fashion, the one part of my outfit  that leaves a lot to desire are my shoes. In the Fall/Winter, I can pretty much manage with my boots/booties and flats but in the summer, I have a hard time finding pretty sandals. See, my problem is that I have large (11) and wide feet that have a tendency to swell in the summer (high blood pressure, genetics). I have the toughest time finding shoes that match my specific subset in regular retail stores.

This post is less about where to find the great shoes but more about asking for suggestions for finding affordable sandals and shoes for those of us with large and wide.

When Looking for the right fit for sandals, I pay attention to:

• If the straps that go across my feet has stretch to them
• If the back straps are able to pull up without too much strain
• Durability-Will they last me for at least two (2) summers.
• Basic Details- I like my sandals to be able to go with multiple outfits without me having to change out.

SO, I will keep you updated on my search for the perfect Spring/Summer sandal.

What do you look for when it comes to Sandals?

Until Next Time,

 

DaniGee

The Faces of Sexual Assault- Wellness Wed.

**I am employed as a Sexual Assault Services Coordinator at a local Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Crisis Center in Alabama. If you need Help Please call Toll Free to ACADV ( Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence) at : 1-800-650-6522 or ACAR (Alabama Coalition Against Rape) at: 1-800-656-4673

This month for Wellness Wednesdays, I decided to dedicate my posts to sexual Assault. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. For the purpose of these posts and to give an accurate definition, I will give you the Department of Justice’s definition of sexual assault.

Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

 

So who are the faces of sexual assault?

A victim of sexual assault doesn’t have a particular look or subset. They could be your postmaster, or your 2^nd grade teacher. They could be the girl who is always there for everyone else. They could be the guy bagging your groceries. They could be your church member. They could be your cousin. They could be your aunt. They could be your uncle. They could be the person  you love the most.

The most important thing to remember about victims is that they are survivors. They are doing the best that they can  despite what happened to them.

 

The best way to advocate for victims is to believe them.

 

-DaniGee

Culture of Work *Wellness Wed.*

Happy Spring! I feel joyful every time I see the grass becoming a little bit greener, the birds chirping a little bit louder, and the day lasting a little bit longer.

I am happy that I have a great group of friends that I can vent to when things feel a little bit overwhelming with work and/or personal issues. I’ve been doing that more when it comes to work issues. I was recently promoted and with that came more responsibility. With that being said,

I HATE CONFLICT.

If anyone knows me personally, they know that I am a laid back, don’t bother anyone, wants everyone to laugh and have a good time. I try to be genuine in all aspects of my life. How you meet me is pretty much how you will always see, well, except I’ll probably become louder the more comfortable I get around you. This demeanor is the same that I try to bring into the workplace. I understand that we spend a great deal around people who we may not have chosen but we are in a place where we have to all work for a certain mission. Why make it more difficult that it has to be?

I’ve encountered issues that I extremely dislike within this new position: conflict, passive aggressiveness, and feeling the need to be on the defensiveness. The majority of the time when conflict arises at work, my initial thought is this:

Even though I have no man and no 2 jobs. However it makes me feel good to say it.

I usually hopes it goes away on its own but this issue wasn’t. It was actually getting worse. I had a person who honestly wasn’t seeing me as a person with any authority or any say so on the day to day operations. I never wanted to come across as being anything more than a source of information. I realized with this situation, I could not ignore, it had to be addressed directly.

That scared the mess out of me. I would have to be confrontational, direct. I would surely burst into flames. I didn’t. The meeting went a little better than I thought and more importantly I was proud of myself for not being passive and allowing things to build up to the point of no return.

Self-care is important in all areas of your life. It is important to be speak up for yourself and don’t let kindness be a weakness.

Have you ever had conflict at work? Were you able to handle it in a way that didn’t compromise your integrity and/or your morals?

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

Is That You, Spring?

Hey Hey!!

Spring is almost among us, even though we didn’t have a proper Winter. 😦   We are little less than 2 weeks away from Spring so I decided to share MY top clothing picks  I wanted to give a big emphasis on MY because none of what I am about to share is anything that I’ve seen on a site or a magazine. It’s more of what I feel I want to add to my closet or pull out and wear again.

I always like to look and see what are the top Pantone colors for each season. Let me just tell you that you will most likely see me in a lot of  blushes, nudes,  blues, and did I mention Blush. I am so in love with Blush right now. XOXO

Dani’s Spring Trends

1. Fringe- I can see it. Fringe tops, Fringe bottoms, fringe purses. Just know that if I have on Fringe, I will be  making them Dance.

Givenchy-Spring 2017

2. Boho- I don’t know how to really explain this in clothing terms but  in my mind, it looks like a nice day to have a picnic mixed with Coachella, a day of thrifting and mixed with cute boots.

3. Flowers– I think Flowers has to be  the official image when it comes to Spring.

 

4. Oversized  shirts with shorts- This trend kinda goes with my boho look.  It has an effortless look to it.

5. Cold Shoulders: Hit ’em with the shoulders. I think  shoulders are such a feminine aspect of a woman’s body and what better way to celebrate them than showing them off.

What are you most looking forward to this Spring?

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

 

Does Money Equal Happiness? *Wellness Wed.*

I sometimes think about my bills and how my life would be simpler if those balances all went to $0. Does money really make a difference when it comes to happiness and life-balance? There was a recent rap battle by two artists this past weekend. I will not say my feelings on it but I will say that a major argument that I came across, again, and again, was that one of the women made a lot of money and for that reason alone, she couldn’t be touched. Does money give a person special powers? Do they get to be a X-Men and turn invisible and untouchable?

It is the age old saying that the more money you have, the more problems that comes along with it. I believe that money is never the issue but it is a person’s perception of money. If you view money as something that allows you to jump ahead and make all your problems go away, I feel like you will always be searching for the next lump sum. If you view money as a way to help others, to be a bigger blessing to your family and to those in need, I think then money is a benefit.

When it comes to money and happiness, be happy with the money you have now and become creative with future income.

Use Money, Don’t Let Money Use You.

What is your emotional relationship with money?

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

Addicted, Wellness Wednesdays

February 2014, I got the opportunity to begin my counseling career as an IO (Intensive Outpatient) Therapist. I was scared out of my mind. Yes, I got my degree in community counseling and all I knew is that I wanted to help people but I had never decided on a specific discipline but nothing about addiction counseling remotely intrigued me. However, 2 years of addiction counseling, I learned more about myself and honestly how I saw people who were and are dealing with the DISEASE of addiction.

After countless days of group and individual sessions, I truly believe that if my clients could stop the endless cycle of relapse, they would, even if just for the sake of getting people out of their business. I had clients who I felt relapsed because they felt that they didn’t have control of any other part of their life and drinking or smoking was their last grip of what they felt were their control and they were going to be damned that someone was going to tell them what to do with their body. Other clients, real life was too hard to deal with. There’s  a saying in the recovery world, “Living Life on Life’s Terms.” Seems easy right?  For some of those who suffer from addiction,  life on life’s terms mean looking at the self-harm that they did to themselves, the trail of broken promises that they made to their loved ones, and facing the trauma that may have led them to their addiction. Reality may be unbearable to the point that the only way to cope is to use drugs and alcohol as their rose-colored glasses.

Like I said, I learned as much from my clients as I hope that they learned from me. No matter what the addiction may be or any life struggles for that matter, is CHANGE. What are you willing to do to change your current situation? You can’t wait for the right circumstances, because they will never come. I’ve heard people say, I will say misinformed and maybe never have had any serious encounters with those with an addiction that these people are lazy and they could stop anytime they want to. I always use myself as an example. I am emotional eater.  If I feel anxious or depressed, I find any type of food to drown out those feelings. My favorite food by far is a Snickers bar. If someone told me that when I wanted to cope with my stressors that I could no longer have a Snickers and that they will be a monetary and maybe a jail sentence behind having a Snickers bar, that would be a problem for me. I pose this question, if someone told you that you could no longer could cope with your stressors as you had been doing and what you felt was working, how would that make you feel?  I am not saying that drowning yourself in case of beer is the way to go but I want you to understand that sometimes people are doing the best that they can at the time. As a counselor, I tried never to judge and I would share my struggles with stressors and how I handled them, sometimes healthy and sometimes unhealthy. I let them know that the important thing is to never give up but I also had to learn to confront some of their behaviors that they were using to excuse their relapses.

A final lesson I learned was the importance of my support system and how things could have been so different for me. I would listen to the stories of my clients and some of their experiences mimicked mines. I had trauma in my life and it could led me to leave a wrecking path of destruction. I will forever grateful for the people God has placed in my life, those for a season and those for a lifetime.    There was a portion of the recovery work where the clients had to discuss the importance of having a support system and we even had Family Day where the clients were strongly encouraged to bring a close friend or family member so that they can see their progress and learn more about the addiction process. Majority of them didn’t bring anybody. They would say that they didn’t trust people or that people had let them down and all they needed were themselves. Nobody gets to be where they are without someone, giving them an encouraging word, helping them network, or giving them a ride to the corner store.  I did my best to keep my word, to not make promises to them that I couldn’t keep and to be as genuine as I could be to them.

This has been on my mind to write for a while. I have so much respect for anyone who’s struggling with a disease or disorder and makes a conscious choice every day to get help. Even if you don’t understand the reason why you are where you are today, I hope you take the time to learn things about yourself and be of help to someone else in the process.

 

 

One Day At a  Time.

 

 

Until Next Time,

 

 

 

DaniGee

Am I My Brother’s Keeper? Wellness Wed

Heyyyy!!!! We’ve made it another week!! That’s enough for a dance break or maybe even a cupcake!! So, I’ve just finished washing Luke Cage!! Sweet Christmas, He is FIONE!!! As I have been with the …

Source: Am I My Brother’s Keeper? Wellness Wed

Am I My Brother’s Keeper? Wellness Wed

Heyyyy!!!!

We’ve made it another week!! That’s enough for a dance break or maybe even a cupcake!! So, I’ve just finished washing Luke Cage!! Sweet Christmas, He is FIONE!!! As I have been with the previous Netflix Marvel’s Series Jessica Jones and Daredevil, I was delightfully pleased. I saw a theme throughout the movie that I thought would be a great topic for Wellness Wednesday.  So, before I go on, for the ones who haven’t binged watched it, the rest of my post will include plot points about the series.

So, from the first episode was talk of Diamondback and you come to find out that he is the main protagonist and Luke Cage’s half-brother. Within moments of that revelation, you hear tinges of jealousy and feelings of not being enough. No matter what Luke says or how he tries to assuage the situation, he is not able to get through to Diamondback. At first, I was like, Diamondback could not have done all of these things to Luke (FIONE-self) because he felt like he was treated less than his brother. Then, my brain began to work the psychology of fatherless children.

I got to reading articles of traits of fatherless men and they all had similar traits. Here’s a discussion of a few of the traits.

There is insecurity and/or a sense of inferiority because of neglect, lack of affirmation, or abandonment.Diamondback seemed to resent his father for not giving him the Lucas last name and felt as if he was never good enough because of it. Even when both brothers got in trouble, he didn’t feel that he was protected as Luke was. He was angry that his father seemingly neglected his mother after he was sent away.

There is a great competitive drive due to comparisons with other men. Hmm, Let’s see, he put his brother in jail only to have his brother get super juiced, escape and become Harlem’s hero. So, in comparison, he becomes a feared bad man and creates instruments of warfare that are horrendous. When it came to the illegal dealings, he had no problems of killing major players without a flinch.

Having an autocratic style of leadership in one’s churches, businesses and families. Diamondback gets an A+++ on this subject. Either his minions were scared of him or were scheming to get rid of him. He seemed to not have a stable mindset which made his actions very sporadic. He would quote the bible but use the bible verses to somehow justify his actions. I also saw that as a slight to his father, for preaching in the pulpit but being unfaithful to his wife and I’m sure to Diamondback’s mother.

Growing without a father, either because of the father making a choice not to do so or death, can be hard experience. That doesn’t mean every fatherless man chooses the same path as Diamondback. This following article gives guidelines on things to not say to sons who grow up with out his father: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/wes-moore-fatherless-sons-boy-father_n_3211254.html .

 

I would love to know what you thought of this article.

Until Next Time,

DaniGee