Nice For What, Tales from a Recovering People Pleaser

I am a recovering people pleaser. I try my hardest in my personal and professional relationships to be assertive and not let anyone take my kindness to pile on things that not mines to take on or more than my share.

I am a person who likes to make others happy. I like to make people smile. When my friends tell me that my text or videos cracks them up or helped on an otherwise sucky day, it warms my little ole heart. I like to let others know that they are thought of. If I hear that they like certain things or would like to but can’t for some reason or another, I surprise them. That’s who I am. I feel like sometimes people see that and I automatically assume I’m a pushover and it used to be a time in the past that I would have been. However, those days are getting fewer and far between.

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Here’s are some things I have learned as a recovering people pleaser:

  1. Saying no will not cause the world to end. I used to think that if I told someone No, that the relationship would be ruined and they wouldn’t ask me to do anything else. As I’ve matured, I’ve learned that No is as good as Yes and I have the ability to say it whenever I choose to and it doesn’t require to explain my no or make any excuses.
  2. I don’t do anything that goes against my ethical code. There have been people, in the past and currently, who feels the need to tell me to do things, as if they are my actual supervisor, things that for whatever reason doesn’t align with my own goals and\or direction. When things like this happen, it is important for me to follow my gut and do what I know is right.  Following my gut sounds easier that it actually is sometimes but I’ve learned that by not following it, I’ve had unnecessary anxiety.
  3. Nice For What. Being nice doesn’t mean I have to be a pushover. It is a character trait that I like about myself but I like myself more than I like anyone.  I don’t have to like you to be respectful. Being nice doesn’t mean that people will automatically do right by you. I can be assertive without being aggressive.

 

This is an ongoing process for me. In the past, I felt like I never had the nicest things so I had to make up by nicest person, the person to always let you borrow and give away. Life is  a give and take. People who are truly for me, don’t require me to give them anything. I have grown confident in myself and ability to not feel obligated to everybody.

Until Next Time ,

 

DaniGee

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