I haven’t been very good to myself, over my 31 years on Earth. I have not always eaten the best things. I have said horrible things to myself, about myself. I don’t quell anxious thoughts quick enough. I have bouts of time where I feel, like it won’t always be this way but something usually drowns out the happiness, where the only feelings that seep back in is anxiety and despair. 2018, I have vowed to change the tape. I want better, so I have to do better. As one my favorite podcasters, Crissle, says, “Words mean Things.” I have vowed to have less bad days. I have dreams/aspirations, and it’s time for me to start living my best life. (Insert Cardi B.)
Mental Health. Anxiety has been my imaginary friend with really real consequences. Like, I have mentioned in other posts, I can’t honestly remember a time that I didn’t have anxiety, excessively worrying about any and everything ( Why did I say that?, Did I laugh too loud, too long?, Will I do a good job?, etc.) Over the years, it has gotten better to quiet the questions but I’ve noticed that they have slowly begun to creep up again. I am a huge advocate on getting mental help when you need it, but I’ve stopped short of getting help for myself. This month, I am taking my own advice and seeking help. I am excited about the prospect of getting a counselor and really learning to work through things, as for them to become past lessons, not recurring actions.
Making Time for My Creative Space. Do you remember being asked, probably as early as 1st grade, what do you want to be when you grow up? Looking back, I would have loved to say, “Hell, I don’t know.” I chose a career in high school and have been stuck to it and has been in social services for about 10 years. As I am ever growing up, I am learning, that having a career/job, doesn’t always equal satisfaction and completeness. I have tipped my toe, in my creative side but I want to be able to real delve into the pool of my creativity and see what can really come if I carve out true time for it and not let work life drain all my energy.
Exercise. I have an off/ on relationship with exercise, becoming more off than on. This month I have restarted this journey, beginning with a bootcamp hosted by Bro-In- Law (BYSWO Fitness) https://byswofitness.com/ and it kicked my butt, in a good way. I completed a full hour of intense cardio and strength training. Even though, I was hurting and walking crazy for some days, it’s what I needed to know that I can still reach goals and do something completely for me. I joined a local gym, and I have rededicated to get this body back to its best self, one day at a time.
Spring has sprung and I am looking forward to the changes that are coming.
Who are you crushing on?
Until Next Time,