Category: Emotional Health

Sorry, NOT Sorry

Sorry, NOT Sorry

The older I get, the more things I notice about myself and others. I notice that I say,’ ‘I’m Sorry’ A LOT; Almost as a greeting.  Examples: excuse the background, or excuse the stuff on my front seat or apologize for an autocorrect error (Darn Autocorrect).  I’ve noticed that when people get in my car, unless you the bestie, I usually preface the entering of my car by saying, “Excuse the mess.”

There has been  times recently when I apologize for things I shouldn’t be apologizing for. For the last couple of years, I’m usually the youngest employee at whatever company I’m currently working for. I do my best to be a helpful and dependable team member. This usually gets noticed by the higher ups. Recently, that has led to a promotion. With the promotion came more responsibilities and having a leadership role over others. I have mentioned in a previous blog post that sometimes being young can lead others to test boundaries with me, which in turn has led me to test boundaries of my own 😉 During this time, I found when myself apologizing for how people were perceiving the words that came out of my mouth. I had to take a step back and realize that I shouldn’t be apologizing for a statement or action if I know that the intent was not meant to be malicious. How tiring is it to make sure that every word you say doesn’t offend a person or rub them the wrong way??

I would have to take a perpetual vow of silence.

When I really started to analyze my frequency of apologizing, I began to wonder if this was more a women issue that men. I honestly don’t see men apologizing on a regular basis. Is it engrained in women, in general, to not want to upset anyone, to not make anyone mad???

I’ve seen some of my social media friends apologize or feel the need to explain any background or picture that is not perfect. Damn That. I am not perfect. My car is not detailed on a regular basis. My hair doesn’t always stand up Kid’N Play-ish like I would prefer all the time.

I am imperfect. Like it or stroll on. I am in love with who I’m becoming which mean I have to be okay with what’s real. Trying to be perfect is an illusion and damn tiring.

How often do you apologize in a day??

Growing, Stretching, Day by Day.

 

Until Next Time,

 

DaniGee

Does Money Equal Happiness? *Wellness Wed.*

I sometimes think about my bills and how my life would be simpler if those balances all went to $0. Does money really make a difference when it comes to happiness and life-balance? There was a recent rap battle by two artists this past weekend. I will not say my feelings on it but I will say that a major argument that I came across, again, and again, was that one of the women made a lot of money and for that reason alone, she couldn’t be touched. Does money give a person special powers? Do they get to be a X-Men and turn invisible and untouchable?

moneyIt is the age old saying that the more money you have, the more problems that comes along with it. I believe that money is never the issue but it is a person’s perception of money. If you view money as something that allows you to jump ahead and make all your problems go away, I feel like you will always be searching for the next lump sum. If you view money as a way to help others, to be a bigger blessing to your family and to those in need, I think then money is a benefit.

When it comes to money and happiness, be happy with the money you have now and become creative with future income.

Use Money, Don’t Let Money Use You.

What is your emotional relationship with money?

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

Am I My Brother’s Keeper? Wellness Wed

diaback.jpg

Heyyyy!!!!

We’ve made it another week!! That’s enough for a dance break or maybe even a cupcake!! So, I’ve just finished washing Luke Cage!! Sweet Christmas, He is FIONE!!! As I have been with the previous Netflix Marvel’s Series Jessica Jones and Daredevil, I was delightfully pleased. I saw a theme throughout the movie that I thought would be a great topic for Wellness Wednesday.  So, before I go on, for the ones who haven’t binged watched it, the rest of my post will include plot points about the series.

So, from the first episode was talk of Diamondback and you come to find out that he is the main protagonist and Luke Cage’s half-brother. Within moments of that revelation, you hear tinges of jealousy and feelings of not being enough. No matter what Luke says or how he tries to assuage the situation, he is not able to get through to Diamondback. At first, I was like, Diamondback could not have done all of these things to Luke (FIONE-self) because he felt like he was treated less than his brother. Then, my brain began to work the psychology of fatherless children.

I got to reading articles of traits of fatherless men and they all had similar traits. Here’s a discussion of a few of the traits.

There is insecurity and/or a sense of inferiority because of neglect, lack of affirmation, or abandonment.Diamondback seemed to resent his father for not giving him the Lucas last name and felt as if he was never good enough because of it. Even when both brothers got in trouble, he didn’t feel that he was protected as Luke was. He was angry that his father seemingly neglected his mother after he was sent away.

There is a great competitive drive due to comparisons with other men. Hmm, Let’s see, he put his brother in jail only to have his brother get super juiced, escape and become Harlem’s hero. So, in comparison, he becomes a feared bad man and creates instruments of warfare that are horrendous. When it came to the illegal dealings, he had no problems of killing major players without a flinch.

Having an autocratic style of leadership in one’s churches, businesses and families. Diamondback gets an A+++ on this subject. Either his minions were scared of him or were scheming to get rid of him. He seemed to not have a stable mindset which made his actions very sporadic. He would quote the bible but use the bible verses to somehow justify his actions. I also saw that as a slight to his father, for preaching in the pulpit but being unfaithful to his wife and I’m sure to Diamondback’s mother.

Growing without a father, either because of the father making a choice not to do so or death, can be hard experience. That doesn’t mean every fatherless man chooses the same path as Diamondback. This following article gives guidelines on things to not say to sons who grow up with out his father: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/wes-moore-fatherless-sons-boy-father_n_3211254.html .

 

I would love to know what you thought of this article.

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

I am Sick and It’s Not in My Head.

 

If you have a stomach ache, it is common knowledge that people will tell you to take a Tum or drink Pepto Bismal.

If you have a headache, people may ask if you have been eating too much salty food and tell you to take a pain pill.

You get diagnosed with Diabetes and the doctor wants to start you on an Insulin regime and get some of that weight off of your frame.

You have a panic attack back to back in a matter of two weeks and most likely (unfortunately) the response may be, “Let Go and Let God.”

This is a problem in the African American community.

Let me start off by saying that I love the Lord because he heard my cry **inserts bless up hands emoji** but our mental health is just as and sometimes more important than our physical health. If we as a community don’t see the importance of being mentally healthy, I feel we continue to repeat ourselves. Life is hard. Living life on life’s term can sometimes feel unbearable. I see so much strength in people who can admit that they have mental health issues and are actively seeking help for it.

I ponder on the reasons on why as African Americans, we deny having mental health problems. Is it because they don’t want to be described as being weak or crazy?  Is it because they feel that they have so much else going on that admitting to having anxiety or depression seems like an excuse?

The reason I wanted to start a series, Wellness Wednesdays,  on my blog was to emphasize the need for self care and shed light on Mental Health. I had planned for a different topic today but reading about Kid Cudi http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2016/10/05/kid-cudi-facebook-rehab-depression-anxiety-suicidal-urges/91588300/ made me feel like this was the right time to discuss this topic.

cudi

 

I have mentioned this before in  my blog post but I suffer from anxiety. It has robbed me of years of happiness having replaced it with incessant worry and self doubt. I am learning to cope with it and I do use medication to help. I am not ashamed of it, just like I am not ashamed to take pills for high blood pressure, my breast cancer, and iron deficiency. I am better because I have come to grips with it. I am happier because I have accepted me for me and I work daily on me.

Take care of your mental health like you take care of that stomach ache. Don’t ignore it.

Listed below are resources:

http://www.valenrich.com/no_more_martyrs/mental_health_facts

http://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Minority-Mental-Health-Awareness-Month

http://www.ebony.com/life/black-mental-health-resources#axzz4MhtDgLgH

 

Still PUSHing

Until Next Time,

 

DaniGee

 

Worrywart

anxiety

Happy Friday!

I am trying to be more consistent with my blogging so I decided a perfect time to discuss an issue that seems to be a daily occurrence in my life.

ANXIETY.

That quote so simply put in to words my life most days.

I can not remember not having anxiety. Like ever. One of my earliest memories is me being in first grade crying my eyes out because my sister is starting Kindergarten and I worried about others being mean to her. It haunts me. It’s not too many days that I don’t have some sort of anxiety. Am I doing good job? Will I ever get out of debt? Why is my car making that noise?  The best way I know how to explain is that it would be easier for you to tell me to stop breathing than to stop worrying.

Some days are better than others. For me, the thing about anxiety is that I know how to stop it. Just stop worrying and give all of my cares to God. Even as typing that, I felt a sense of peace in that but it’s not long lasting. Why? Because I poke hole in every scenario. I think about the 1,000,0000 ways that it will go wrong. When someone talks about the problems, I genuinely give them positive advice and encouragement because I truly believe that God is working it out in their favor but when it comes to myself, I don’t have that same kind of confidence.

For me, my anxiety is lessened when I am able to focus on what I like to do and less about what I feel I must do. I feel that if I could get those two to be the same thing, I would be a happier person. I’ve decided to take an active step to help with my anxiety. It seems to be have positive results. I plan to get back active and learning more coping skills.

Does anxiety give you the blues? What do you do to coping with day to day life? 

 

Have a Great Weekend,

DaniGee