Category: Wellness Wednesday

Culture of Work *Wellness Wed.*

Happy Spring! I feel joyful every time I see the grass becoming a little bit greener, the birds chirping a little bit louder, and the day lasting a little bit longer.

I am happy that I have a great group of friends that I can vent to when things feel a little bit overwhelming with work and/or personal issues. I’ve been doing that more when it comes to work issues. I was recently promoted and with that came more responsibility. With that being said,

I HATE CONFLICT.

If anyone knows me personally, they know that I am a laid back, don’t bother anyone, wants everyone to laugh and have a good time. I try to be genuine in all aspects of my life. How you meet me is pretty much how you will always see, well, except I’ll probably become louder the more comfortable I get around you. This demeanor is the same that I try to bring into the workplace. I understand that we spend a great deal around people who we may not have chosen but we are in a place where we have to all work for a certain mission. Why make it more difficult that it has to be?

I’ve encountered issues that I extremely dislike within this new position: conflict, passive aggressiveness, and feeling the need to be on the defensiveness. The majority of the time when conflict arises at work, my initial thought is this:

Image result for my man got two jobs meme

Even though I have no man and no 2 jobs. However it makes me feel good to say it.

I usually hopes it goes away on its own but this issue wasn’t. It was actually getting worse. I had a person who honestly wasn’t seeing me as a person with any authority or any say so on the day to day operations. I never wanted to come across as being anything more than a source of information. I realized with this situation, I could not ignore, it had to be addressed directly.

That scared the mess out of me. I would have to be confrontational, direct. I would surely burst into flames. I didn’t. The meeting went a little better than I thought and more importantly I was proud of myself for not being passive and allowing things to build up to the point of no return.

Self-care is important in all areas of your life. It is important to be speak up for yourself and don’t let kindness be a weakness.

Have you ever had conflict at work? Were you able to handle it in a way that didn’t compromise your integrity and/or your morals?

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

Does Money Equal Happiness? *Wellness Wed.*

I sometimes think about my bills and how my life would be simpler if those balances all went to $0. Does money really make a difference when it comes to happiness and life-balance? There was a recent rap battle by two artists this past weekend. I will not say my feelings on it but I will say that a major argument that I came across, again, and again, was that one of the women made a lot of money and for that reason alone, she couldn’t be touched. Does money give a person special powers? Do they get to be a X-Men and turn invisible and untouchable?

moneyIt is the age old saying that the more money you have, the more problems that comes along with it. I believe that money is never the issue but it is a person’s perception of money. If you view money as something that allows you to jump ahead and make all your problems go away, I feel like you will always be searching for the next lump sum. If you view money as a way to help others, to be a bigger blessing to your family and to those in need, I think then money is a benefit.

When it comes to money and happiness, be happy with the money you have now and become creative with future income.

Use Money, Don’t Let Money Use You.

What is your emotional relationship with money?

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

Addicted, Wellness Wednesdays

addiction

February 2014, I got the opportunity to begin my counseling career as an IO (Intensive Outpatient) Therapist. I was scared out of my mind. Yes, I got my degree in community counseling and all I knew is that I wanted to help people but I had never decided on a specific discipline but nothing about addiction counseling remotely intrigued me. However, 2 years of addiction counseling, I learned more about myself and honestly how I saw people who were and are dealing with the DISEASE of addiction.

After countless days of group and individual sessions, I truly believe that if my clients could stop the endless cycle of relapse, they would, even if just for the sake of getting people out of their business. I had clients who I felt relapsed because they felt that they didn’t have control of any other part of their life and drinking or smoking was their last grip of what they felt were their control and they were going to be damned that someone was going to tell them what to do with their body. Other clients, real life was too hard to deal with. There’s  a saying in the recovery world, “Living Life on Life’s Terms.” Seems easy right?  For some of those who suffer from addiction,  life on life’s terms mean looking at the self-harm that they did to themselves, the trail of broken promises that they made to their loved ones, and facing the trauma that may have led them to their addiction. Reality may be unbearable to the point that the only way to cope is to use drugs and alcohol as their rose-colored glasses.

Like I said, I learned as much from my clients as I hope that they learned from me. No matter what the addiction may be or any life struggles for that matter, is CHANGE. What are you willing to do to change your current situation? You can’t wait for the right circumstances, because they will never come. I’ve heard people say, I will say misinformed and maybe never have had any serious encounters with those with an addiction that these people are lazy and they could stop anytime they want to. I always use myself as an example. I am emotional eater.  If I feel anxious or depressed, I find any type of food to drown out those feelings. My favorite food by far is a Snickers bar. If someone told me that when I wanted to cope with my stressors that I could no longer have a Snickers and that they will be a monetary and maybe a jail sentence behind having a Snickers bar, that would be a problem for me. I pose this question, if someone told you that you could no longer could cope with your stressors as you had been doing and what you felt was working, how would that make you feel?  I am not saying that drowning yourself in case of beer is the way to go but I want you to understand that sometimes people are doing the best that they can at the time. As a counselor, I tried never to judge and I would share my struggles with stressors and how I handled them, sometimes healthy and sometimes unhealthy. I let them know that the important thing is to never give up but I also had to learn to confront some of their behaviors that they were using to excuse their relapses.

A final lesson I learned was the importance of my support system and how things could have been so different for me. I would listen to the stories of my clients and some of their experiences mimicked mines. I had trauma in my life and it could led me to leave a wrecking path of destruction. I will forever grateful for the people God has placed in my life, those for a season and those for a lifetime.    There was a portion of the recovery work where the clients had to discuss the importance of having a support system and we even had Family Day where the clients were strongly encouraged to bring a close friend or family member so that they can see their progress and learn more about the addiction process. Majority of them didn’t bring anybody. They would say that they didn’t trust people or that people had let them down and all they needed were themselves. Nobody gets to be where they are without someone, giving them an encouraging word, helping them network, or giving them a ride to the corner store.  I did my best to keep my word, to not make promises to them that I couldn’t keep and to be as genuine as I could be to them.

This has been on my mind to write for a while. I have so much respect for anyone who’s struggling with a disease or disorder and makes a conscious choice every day to get help. Even if you don’t understand the reason why you are where you are today, I hope you take the time to learn things about yourself and be of help to someone else in the process.

 

25 Addiction Recovery Tips and Quotes But as you conquer them, you see everyone loved you...you just didnt love yourself.:

 

One Day At a  Time.

 

 

Until Next Time,

 

 

 

DaniGee

Am I My Brother’s Keeper? Wellness Wed

diaback.jpg

Heyyyy!!!!

We’ve made it another week!! That’s enough for a dance break or maybe even a cupcake!! So, I’ve just finished washing Luke Cage!! Sweet Christmas, He is FIONE!!! As I have been with the previous Netflix Marvel’s Series Jessica Jones and Daredevil, I was delightfully pleased. I saw a theme throughout the movie that I thought would be a great topic for Wellness Wednesday.  So, before I go on, for the ones who haven’t binged watched it, the rest of my post will include plot points about the series.

So, from the first episode was talk of Diamondback and you come to find out that he is the main protagonist and Luke Cage’s half-brother. Within moments of that revelation, you hear tinges of jealousy and feelings of not being enough. No matter what Luke says or how he tries to assuage the situation, he is not able to get through to Diamondback. At first, I was like, Diamondback could not have done all of these things to Luke (FIONE-self) because he felt like he was treated less than his brother. Then, my brain began to work the psychology of fatherless children.

I got to reading articles of traits of fatherless men and they all had similar traits. Here’s a discussion of a few of the traits.

There is insecurity and/or a sense of inferiority because of neglect, lack of affirmation, or abandonment.Diamondback seemed to resent his father for not giving him the Lucas last name and felt as if he was never good enough because of it. Even when both brothers got in trouble, he didn’t feel that he was protected as Luke was. He was angry that his father seemingly neglected his mother after he was sent away.

There is a great competitive drive due to comparisons with other men. Hmm, Let’s see, he put his brother in jail only to have his brother get super juiced, escape and become Harlem’s hero. So, in comparison, he becomes a feared bad man and creates instruments of warfare that are horrendous. When it came to the illegal dealings, he had no problems of killing major players without a flinch.

Having an autocratic style of leadership in one’s churches, businesses and families. Diamondback gets an A+++ on this subject. Either his minions were scared of him or were scheming to get rid of him. He seemed to not have a stable mindset which made his actions very sporadic. He would quote the bible but use the bible verses to somehow justify his actions. I also saw that as a slight to his father, for preaching in the pulpit but being unfaithful to his wife and I’m sure to Diamondback’s mother.

Growing without a father, either because of the father making a choice not to do so or death, can be hard experience. That doesn’t mean every fatherless man chooses the same path as Diamondback. This following article gives guidelines on things to not say to sons who grow up with out his father: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/wes-moore-fatherless-sons-boy-father_n_3211254.html .

 

I would love to know what you thought of this article.

Until Next Time,

DaniGee

I am Sick and It’s Not in My Head.

 

If you have a stomach ache, it is common knowledge that people will tell you to take a Tum or drink Pepto Bismal.

If you have a headache, people may ask if you have been eating too much salty food and tell you to take a pain pill.

You get diagnosed with Diabetes and the doctor wants to start you on an Insulin regime and get some of that weight off of your frame.

You have a panic attack back to back in a matter of two weeks and most likely (unfortunately) the response may be, “Let Go and Let God.”

This is a problem in the African American community.

Let me start off by saying that I love the Lord because he heard my cry **inserts bless up hands emoji** but our mental health is just as and sometimes more important than our physical health. If we as a community don’t see the importance of being mentally healthy, I feel we continue to repeat ourselves. Life is hard. Living life on life’s term can sometimes feel unbearable. I see so much strength in people who can admit that they have mental health issues and are actively seeking help for it.

I ponder on the reasons on why as African Americans, we deny having mental health problems. Is it because they don’t want to be described as being weak or crazy?  Is it because they feel that they have so much else going on that admitting to having anxiety or depression seems like an excuse?

The reason I wanted to start a series, Wellness Wednesdays,  on my blog was to emphasize the need for self care and shed light on Mental Health. I had planned for a different topic today but reading about Kid Cudi http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2016/10/05/kid-cudi-facebook-rehab-depression-anxiety-suicidal-urges/91588300/ made me feel like this was the right time to discuss this topic.

cudi

 

I have mentioned this before in  my blog post but I suffer from anxiety. It has robbed me of years of happiness having replaced it with incessant worry and self doubt. I am learning to cope with it and I do use medication to help. I am not ashamed of it, just like I am not ashamed to take pills for high blood pressure, my breast cancer, and iron deficiency. I am better because I have come to grips with it. I am happier because I have accepted me for me and I work daily on me.

Take care of your mental health like you take care of that stomach ache. Don’t ignore it.

Listed below are resources:

http://www.valenrich.com/no_more_martyrs/mental_health_facts

http://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Minority-Mental-Health-Awareness-Month

http://www.ebony.com/life/black-mental-health-resources#axzz4MhtDgLgH

 

Still PUSHing

Until Next Time,

 

DaniGee